I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
