Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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