She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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