ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
