My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
