if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize