It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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