I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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