Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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