East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
