If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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