I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize