I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
