If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
