He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
