i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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