i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
