I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I believe in your delicious
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
