well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
