Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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