Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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