I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
