you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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