her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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