when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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