so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
