also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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