Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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