He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
