Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
