The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
