Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
