So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
