Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
