Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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