I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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