so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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