You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i think my cat just said my name.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
