And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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