went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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