How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
