I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
