I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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