i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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