I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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