I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
