Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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