you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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