I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
