conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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