My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
