Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
