my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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