Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
