They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
