it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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