Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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