I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
