there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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