Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
