I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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